2020

Changing Life Course

9:45 PM

Hey everyone, it's me again after such a loooong long time.

I supposed the last time I write here it was on December last year, is it?
This time, I might write quite a long update on myself and a quick recap as well on what has happened until this moment.

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If you guys followed me in Instagram, maybe you might notice that I no longer live in Korea again. It's been a month since I left and about why I left, it's a long story.

A little recap, last year I changed my job from working in some plastic surgery hospital to working as main photographer in an online apparel brand in Seoul. I don't want to talk detail about it but it was a job that I like even though it was hard because of the tight schedule. However, the thought of leaving Korea and moving to another country has crossed my mind since long time ago and it got stronger when I saw two of my best friends moving to another country to pursue a better future. Yes, I envied them because I don't have such courage to make that decision and the reason was because I don't think my parents will approve it and let me go. Moreover, I feel it will take a long time to prepare for my next journey and it's not that worth it. Since I already adjusted to Korean's way of life these years, somehow it feels like it's my comfort zone here and I did worked hard to achieve this level. It feels like a waste of time and a lot of energy for me to come this far.

But then, everything changed. Working in Korea, even when I love my job and my company, is not as I dreamt to be. Not only that, it was the start of this epic Corona virus spreading in China. I guess it started from October last year that my life went downhill and never come back up again. I got too many troubles and made big mistakes in my life in those few months. I spent my last moments in 2019 so terribly and I just couldn't stand of myself anymore.

So, as you may see in Instagram or somewhere else, I dyed my hair to platinum blonde. I did it in January 1st, in New Year, to change myself into another person.

I was really worried about my future. I feel like I've never belong here, nor in my hometown, nor in Korea. I don't know where should I belong. One thing for sure that I felt really happy and couldn't forget how free I was back then, when I solo-travelled to Europe for the first time. Those days in Vienna, I felt like home. Not that because I have interest in Europe since I was young and not because of the excitement that it was my first time going to Europe, but I still remember the moment I stepped down from the Airplane in Vienna's airport, breathe the air and those melodious train sound, it's like.. welcoming me. Part of me still lived there until now, and I think it's one of the reasons why I've decided to study German now. I want to go back there, to where I belong. But of course it will be different from when I first left to Korea to study. This time, I want to stay there for the rest of my life.

However, since Corona Virus was spreading so fast across the globe, somehow I was forced to go back to my hometown. There are plenty other reasons as well, I had no choice but to go home. I know I need to adjust again to Indonesian's lifestyle and all, even though I'm sure I'll never be able to live like them again. Thus, on April 17th, I set myself away from Korea and said goodbye. I cried when my plane took off from Incheon International Airport and leaving Korea behind in front of my eyes. Korea was my second home, I have to say, and I don't know when I'll be back again. Probably for vacation, but in case of living there again, I need some REALLY good reasons to make me stay.

So here I am, back in my hometown and been busy with my temporary life here. It's hard to believe that it's been a month since then. I just hope that all of this may end soon and I can go out from my apartment again.

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