Just like the title of the post, I seriously think that 2017 is my best and the worst year.

Why, you asked.

I called it the best year because this year, I got 3 major masterpieces, met new models, I even worked together with famous people. But why the worst year, if you had that many great experiences?
It was because I got a major breakdown during the year and I ended up breaking my own mental health. That, my friend, is a really big issue for me this year and I hope it's only this year.

Anyway, like the previous year, I would like to recap all the things that happened this year, including showing you some major artworks and also great moments in 2017.

First, I would like to update my model's list that I've been working with in 2017.

Rachel (USA)

Michelle (Japan)

Nicole - on the left (Denmark)

Not as many as last year, to be honest, I didn't really shoot a lot this year. I'm more focused on my full-time work and it's too tiring to work again on the weekends. However, I created 3 big masterpieces. Here are the 3 artworks:

Big Fish and Begonia (Collaboration with Evan Raditya)

Fille Française

卷珠帘

2 Chinese-themed artworks and 1 French-themed, as you may see, my tones are gradually changing from the blurry film-like tones (you can see it on the works I did last year) into more solid contrast tones. I have to give myself a tick on my checklist for having that great collaboration with my best friend, Evan Raditya.

Cheri (Korean Fashion Influencer & Blogger)

Chen Yung Hua a.k.a yourddoris (Taiwanese Fashion Photographer)

McKay Kim (K-pop Star 2 singer)

Nicky Park (K-pop singer) - his first single album

Yutaki (Singaporean Fashion Influencer & Blogger) - taken back in 2016

it's DAY6!

I guess this is the second time I post something about behind the scenes of my recent work.
The purpose of this post just merely to let you know what inspires me for this art piece.

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This series, if you follow my Instagram, try to read the captions in each picture. I chose the captions carefully, from classical songs lyrics about death.

Requiem, the title is based on a Requiem Mass written by W.A. Mozart, where he died in peace, lying on his bed and left this piece unfinished. Requiem is a Mass for the dead souls to be in peace. It was meant for the dead.

I've known Death since I was a kid and until now, it never leave me. Not only wanting to physically take my life, but I think it was also looking for my soul. There are few events that I thought I was dying, in the edge of this life and it's time to go home. But where?

Do we really go to Heaven when we die? What if it's not Heaven, but somewhere else?
Why are we so afraid of dying? or Death?

No, it's not paranoid nor a negative thinking or whatsoever you called them. Like a dog that can sense their time will come soon, I can feel that too. I became more quiet and detached the past few years. I embrace solitude more than ever. I don't feel hurt nor loneliness. I really like it. And while in this state, I decided to make an art out of it.

How I picture death is; how in my solitude, I caress the presence of silence.

Art is where I rest my soul in peace.

This time, I would like to talk about my big collaboration with my best friend, who is also one of the new prominent Indonesian illustrators, Evan Raditya.

Before talking about Evan, I want to start with a little background on why I decided to do this project and why I picked this concept for my masterpiece.

It started with me just looking around Pinterest for inspirations in one random day. I came across this illustration in Pinterest.

Source: Google

At first I thought that this can be a good concept to try in the future. But then as I searched around, I found out that it was from a Chinese animation movie. It was just released last year, but I guess it haven't been released internationally. So, I came to Google and found the movie.

Source: Google

After almost 2 hours of the movie, I found myself full of tears and my chest hurts so bad. It was like someone stabbed me by a big sword and left me bleed. It was so beautifully made. I can see many Miyazaki's reference in this movie, especially elements from Spirited Away.

I realized that the characters and the story reflects what really happened in my life these past few years. How I grew up with a lot of limitations in my culture, my struggles to pursue what I believe to be right, I can see my life was being portrayed in the movie. I see why sometimes sacrifices need to be made in this world, for a better future. Damn that movie..

Then I know that this will make a good concept for me to create artworks, based on the movie, and make it as my masterpiece. Also to express my agony into an art.

So, I need an illustrator for this and I already have one person in mind. Evan Raditya.

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Actually, since we graduated together from university back home, we've always talked about having a collaboration together, my photography and his illustration. But I guess it didn't really work that time because both of us were busy with our own lives. I knew him since long time that he will get big. Even from our school days, he's always one of the top students in our class, especially because of his drawing skill and creativity. Then recently, his name gets bigger with the Ghost in The Shell project. He got famous both internationally and in our own country.

Well, back to the point of our collaboration, first of all, I want to get rid of people's perception that I used Evan's fame for our collaboration project. Since he got big now, so why not I "join" him fame? NO! That's not what I wanted all along. I just simply want to do something together with my best friend. So, when he almost finished with his GITS project, I told him that I'm going to do this photoshoot with this concept and I need some illustrations from him. He was interested and willing to help me. Because I know that he's busy with his own work so I don't want to pressure him just for my own sake.

And just so you know, even though we are super super close friend, I didn't ask him to work for FREE. I'm not bragging, this is serious. I know how it feels to be "USE" and work for free. I value and respect his hard work and time, so I have to pay for it. I know many people always ask something for free to their friends, but this is art we're talking about. We, artists, still need to pay our own bills. It's so inconsiderate and disrespectful to ask artists to do something for FREE without even thinking about how many hours we waste to create and think for a single artwork. Especially with an excuses like "it's just a simple drawing" or "it's only a few shots" and many other bullshits. Are you fucking kidding me? People need to learn how to respect artists, seriously.

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So back to our collaboration. I did the shooting first with a Korean model I found in Instagram. I saw her face so many times in other Korean photographer's works in Instagram but I was too coward to ask her in Korean. Well, it happened with the help of my Korean friend (she helped me fixed my grammar and stuff), I asked Jae Gyeong to join the project. I didn't regret my selection, she was.. AH-MAZING! Few days before the shooting, I asked her to find the movie or anything that related so that she can learn what is it about and how is the character that she will portray. She did and she was talking about it with me that she said she really interested on watching the movie if they have it in Korea.

After I finished editing all the pictures, I sent some pictures for Evan to edit with some references from the movie. I was so excited how it will turned out.

I'll just post one of it here, along with some portrait shots.


This project will be another stepping stone for my career as a photographer. Whenever I look at this project, I reminded myself to stay true to my story. Who I am, where I came from. I never know that my past will make a great impact on my art, even though I always want to change that before. By staying true to your identity, it will give you strength to appreciate your life.

Big Fish and Begonia, a masterpiece I created and a tribute to my life.

"She's the kind of queen,
That knows her crown isn't on her head,
But in her soul."

From 365+ days ago,

Yes, "lyrical" doesn't always mean the lyrics of a song, but it also a verb, to express emotions with an imagination and beautiful way. Both words and feeling can influence you to make an art, a real prove of your emotions. I like to call myself a "lyrical photographer" because in that way, I will always remind myself to express my ideas, my emotions, in a beautiful and full of imagination into my art.

Maybe some of you are still confused, then what's the difference between this kind of art with a conceptual art?

Well... In my opinion, conceptual art is more about you pick a certain concept or a certain idea and make it into an artwork.

Something like this?

Tree Face by Yannis Koutras

Some artworks have an obvious message that the artist wants to deliver or portray to the audience. Although, conceptual art is also a good way to express your emotions into an imagery.

Now, how this lyrical art works?

Since it's "lyrical", there are two kinds of artwork: a single piece of art that express the overall feeling or a series of pictures that represent each of the ideas that we want to portray. Most of my lyrical works are based on songs (obviously). Not only based on the lyrics, but also on the overall vibe of the song, the feeling that you get from it.

Breathe

This particular shot reflects the "I know you, that look in your eyes is so familiar a gleam..." part of the song. For this series, I worked with the help of my friends and created a small team for this. We listened to the song over and over again, read the lyrics over and over again. We have to make sure that the pictures are telling the story of the song and represent each lyrics. However, during the shooting, most likely unexpected things would happen, so we have to make small changes from our original plan. It's really normal for me to have more great spontaneous shots than the well-planned ones. HAHA.

To be lyrical requires a lot of practice and also meditation. Yes, I'm serious. Meditation is required to know your own self and to be aware of your own feelings. That's the hardest part in this particular style. Well, even for me, it was hard at first. I don't even know who I am. As I open myself and starting to sense and understand my own feeling, it become more and more natural for me to express myself whenever I create art pieces.

So, here are some tips when you want to do a lyrical art (my own advice):
1. First impression of the song really matters. When you listen to a certain song and you don't feel that it "see" through your heart and tickle it since the first melody, stop right there.
2. Lyrical art is about interpretation. The more you listen to it and learn the lyrics (if it has lyrics), your imagination can wonder around easier and imagine a certain scenery of the song. It requires practice and sensitivity. 
3. If you cannot imagine a perfect scene for the song, follow the lyrics. If it's an instrumental song, search for the music video of that song. It may help you to create the artwork.

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To whoever you are, to those people who want to make art or trying to appreciate art, 
learn yourself and be lyrical.

This post is specially written about a story of how I find myself, again.

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I, a woman who still knows nothing about how life works, have a story on how I found myself. My own self.

Not many people know about this but in the past days, I always obey people and try to please people that it ended up ruining me. I have been always be in pain. Not only from sickness, but also from other things. I got lots and lots of emotional damage in my life. Bullied, betrayed, abused, and also emotionally hurt; by words and actions.

I thought I was so damaged that I've created "my other self ", making me into a double personality or bipolar person.

She is a strong woman, a tough one. I never really know her existence until recently when I'm having a personality difficulty. I need to find myself. I know, deep inside my consciousness, that she will always protect me in any situation. She knows no fear. Pain makes her stronger. I was always been weak that people are enjoying hurting me because I don't speak up. And every time someone hurt me, she gets stronger and build the wall that is unbreakable. That's how I lived for all these years.

Until one day, something happened to me.

I.. met her.

I just realized how different she is from me. How strong she have become. I didn't realized it myself that I also grow stronger, together with her. And day by day, we're emerging into one whole new individual... Me. I can't believe that this persona that I created, helped me become who I am today.

I am her, she is me.

From that day on, every artwork that I make, every story that I tell..
It was always about our story.

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Model // Ida & Nicole