2024

On Being Lyrical

2:24 PM

 

"The photographs are quiet, lyrically poetic, and intellectually provocative."
- Cambridge Dictionary


I was scrolling through my blog posts and found one I wrote back in 2017 about “how to be lyrical". In that post, I gave readers tips on creating lyrical work, mainly focusing on drawing inspiration from music. This involved analyzing personal feelings when listening to melodies or interpreting lyrics if they exist.

Now, 7 years later, I realize that doesn't fully answer the question of how to be lyrical. So, what does it mean to be lyrical? In the past post, I mentioned it as a verb meaning “expressing the creator’s emotions in an imaginative and beautiful way.” While that's one way to describe being lyrical, I want to emphasize the word “emotion.” Expressing a feeling that exists inside and lasts for some time is not easy, especially when creating imagery. To achieve an expressive yet artistically beautiful quality is tricky, particularly with unusual or ambiguous feelings. After years of practicing being lyrical, there are times when I need other sources to guide me in digging deeper into a certain emotion I want to convey. Symbolism helps a lot, but creating that emotion for the audience so they feel it too takes time. I realized that not everyone can feel a certain emotion unless you provide some visual aid or other guidance. Some people with similar knowledge to mine can understand what I'm talking about immediately. However, not everything is based on personal experience, is it?

For example, a few months ago, I created a personal work called “Consciousness.” It was not the same concept of consciousness as Freud’s; it was another concept known as the “spectrum of consciousness” that I found accidentally on the internet. 


The proposed spectrum of consciousness (S.L. Thaler, 1996d)


Based on that concept, I needed to create three different images for each stage presented. I had to differentiate each one by using different colors, compositions, or poses. Thanks to Sasa, my talented Hungarian model who is also a professional contemporary dancer, she managed to give me different feels through her movements and expressions. She delivered each stage of “consciousness” effortlessly.


Day dreaming


Denying reality


Near-death


Check out the full version here. 


For "daydreaming," I used white boxes and random elements, along with a sky-blue dress, to symbolize an imaginary, relaxed, yet confusing world. It's full of curious things but in a good and happy way. For "reality," I wanted to show how often we deny our reality and how distorted and cruel it can be. I used yellow as the neutral tone to represent human quality. The movements created by Sasa here were more "closed" and "painful" than the first ones. For the final stage, the "near-death" phase, the overall tone was much darker, and Sasa's movements were more violent, creating a blurry effect. It was like a shadow, leaving one's self behind as a representation of regret at the edge of life. On the other hand, the poses were grander and larger than the previous ones, because I believe death is more significant than life due to its eternity.

Selecting the right objects, tone, and other visual elements in a lyrical work is more crucial than choosing the best model, dress, concept, or whatever it is. Focus on the deeper emotions you feel while creating the art and imagine what your audience will see. Keep these two points in mind, or even imprint them in your heart.

Can you now understand what it means to be lyrical from my explanation?

2020

Fall 2020

4:24 PM




So..

I'm writing this post in my free time, which I had a lot these days.

--

Ever since I came back to my hometown, I realized a lot of things about me and also my surroundings. In the midst of this pandemic, I did a lot of self-reflection. Reconsidering my life values, my philosophy, where I lead my life and how I should be as who I am. When it comes to art, I still have this big ambition on having my own photo exhibition some day. Although, I was going to do it this year while I'm going to Korea for work, but I decided not to rush it. I don't want to label myself as perfectionist, but I do have a certain issue regarding my "firsts".  I tend to be more careful and plan everything well to do something for the first time, including my decision to move to Germany in the near future. I don't want to rush things just so that I can get over with it, I'm not that impulsive. Well, I used to, but as I grew older, I realized that I always changed my decisions as if I'm indecisive and "plin-plan" which lead me to make lots of wrong choices in my life. I have no regrets on it, it's just I should've done it better.

I guess because I'm going to be 30 this year and I feel like in my last days as 20s, I need to make sure that I've accomplished things that I could do in my 20s and be proud of life that I've lived so far. I've learned my lesson, that I should have not waste my time, energy, and feeling to things that I know it's not for me. I will not start things when I feel that it will make me regret or make myself miserable later on. 

I'm really hoping that I can end my 20s well and starting my 'more' mature life ahead.


Stay safe, everyone! 

thoughts

Little Things

3:01 PM

The coldness of winter wind,
The hot steam from a cup of Green Tea Latte,
The beauty of snow falling like confetti on my hands,
The loneliness empty chairs and empty tables in the Sushi restaurant,
The warm sound from the cello strings that Luka Sulic and Stepjan Hauser played in YouTube video,

I begin to see all those little things in my life.
These little things.. 
Become my 'totems' to make sure that I'm still alive.

Let me tell you this,
I've swore to myself that I shall not live like I used to live my life once and for all. 

I moved on from my 'fucked up' mind, and now...

I rather be called a coward for saying "no" to those things that will make me feel bad.
I rather be called as selfish for not caring and not responding to all the things that I feel like it didn't require my attention or response.
I rather be called an idiot for helping others that are kind to me without asking them to return the favor.
I rather not regretting anything in my life for doing things that my heart tells me to do without worrying it may ended up destroying me.



I... finally made my own peace, after all these years.








thoughts

The (Ugly) Truth

8:33 PM

Seems like "Finding Myself" is just a lie I deceived myself and all of you.
There IS no "another me". 

-----

So, apparently I have some mental health issues.

I suffered from chronic cognitive distortions for years that lead me into identity crisis, wrecking my emotion and had a bit of anxiety disorder. This distortion might not be a big deal for some people, but it causes me hard times in my life. 

No, I'm not suddenly being emo, I'd just always tried to hold this in for fear of being judged. 

I never see my life from the outside (of my point of view), so that's why I never know what problems I had until recently. I've surrounded myself with many negative things; trashes that I've been collecting since forever, without knowing it, and never able to get rid of it. And I kept lying to myself by ignoring the fact that I'm slowly "destroyed" because I want to protect myself, but that makes it even worse. 

Living in lies for years, piece by piece, I lost my identity. 
I don't who I am anymore, what I want, simply blank inside. 

I feel like I am what other people are shaping me; I never know who I actually am. Therefore, I made many bad decisions, let myself feel miserable for days, and other negative things. My creativity just shuts down and I withdraw myself from people. 

I've become scared of people. 

I remembered there are few times where I got so depressed on myself, I cried so hard that my whole face was swollen, keep blaming myself, and started pulling my hair (aiming to feel the tension, not to actually pull it out) to make the pain stop. 

I've been distorted, fooled by my own ghost and others. 

Some days I feel sorry to myself because of what I had done with my own life.

Some days I feel helpless and don't know what to do with my life.

Some days I just want people to disappear and never exist.

And there are also some days where I just want to kill whoever make me into this.


I've been doing this therapy called CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) with a psychotherapist for a while now and my progress is getting better. I believe that my mental health has to be fix before I continue with my life.

I finally came to understand that most people still prefer to live in their own beautiful lies. They want to cover their flaws by creating these delusions, just to feel better with life.

I used to live up to their lies on how they perceive and expect things from me that they called it as "for my own sake". People who talk without consideration for others' feeling or situation will continue to rant and judge anyway. 

I didn't realized that it was a bad thing for me, obeying, pleasing, and respecting people (even people who are older than me). 

I never wanted to do this but it seems like I must do it. 

But their expectations and perceptions of me are not some significant things that I need to care about. 

I'm NOT being a coward just because I'm not trying to prove myself to people.
There's nothing to prove. 

I'm not hiding myself away by creating beautiful lies.

I rather live with my ugly truth.













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