"The photographs are quiet, lyrically poetic, and intellectually provocative."

- Cambridge Dictionary

I was scrolling through my blog posts and found one I wrote back in 2017 about “how to be lyrical". In that post, I gave readers tips on creating lyrical work, mainly focusing on drawing inspiration from music. This involved analyzing personal feelings when listening to melodies or interpreting lyrics if they exist.

Now, 7 years later, I realize that doesn't fully answer the question of how to be lyrical. So, what does it mean to be lyrical? In the past post, I mentioned it as a verb meaning “expressing the creator’s emotions in an imaginative and beautiful way.” While that's one way to describe being lyrical, I want to emphasize the word “emotion.” Expressing a feeling that exists inside and lasts for some time is not easy, especially when creating imagery. To achieve an expressive yet artistically beautiful quality is tricky, particularly with unusual or ambiguous feelings. After years of practicing being lyrical, there are times when I need other sources to guide me in digging deeper into a certain emotion I want to convey. Symbolism helps a lot, but creating that emotion for the audience so they feel it too takes time. I realized that not everyone can feel a certain emotion unless you provide some visual aid or other guidance. Some people with similar knowledge to mine can understand what I'm talking about immediately. However, not everything is based on personal experience, is it?

For example, a few months ago, I created a personal work called “Consciousness.” It was not the same concept of consciousness as Freud’s; it was another concept known as the “spectrum of consciousness” that I found accidentally on the internet. 

The proposed spectrum of consciousness (S.L. Thaler, 1996d)

Based on that concept, I needed to create three different images for each stage presented. I had to differentiate each one by using different colors, compositions, or poses. Thanks to Sasa, my talented Hungarian model who is also a professional contemporary dancer, she managed to give me different feels through her movements and expressions. She delivered each stage of “consciousness” effortlessly.

Near-death

For "daydreaming," I used white boxes and random elements, along with a sky-blue dress, to symbolize an imaginary, relaxed, yet confusing world. It's full of curious things but in a good and happy way. For "reality," I wanted to show how often we deny our reality and how distorted and cruel it can be. I used yellow as the neutral tone to represent human quality. The movements created by Sasa here were more "closed" and "painful" than the first ones. For the final stage, the "near-death" phase, the overall tone was much darker, and Sasa's movements were more violent, creating a blurry effect. It was like a shadow, leaving one's self behind as a representation of regret at the edge of life. On the other hand, the poses were grander and larger than the previous ones, because I believe death is more significant than life due to its eternity.

Selecting the right objects, tone, and other visual elements in a lyrical work is more crucial than choosing the best model, dress, concept, or whatever it is. Focus on the deeper emotions you feel while creating the art and imagine what your audience will see. Keep these two points in mind, or even imprint them in your heart.

Can you now understand what it means to be lyrical from my explanation?

Hello everyone!

It's been 4 years that I didn't update anything here. I think I wrote a post before about my life updates in 2021 but ended up didn't post it due to various reasons, well more because of personal reasons.

Anyway, i'm still alive and living (quite) well. For those of you who followed my Instagram, of course you know what I've been doing. Since I came back from Korea, my life took another course and I guess it ended up better than I thought. At first I was skeptical of what I can be in Indonesia, despite my photography has been known here. I was so afraid to be back at zero again, building up my brand here. Thankfully I have so many friends and people around me that supported me to move forward. Long story short, I've built 2 brands with some friends, one is a streetwear brand and the other is a perfume brand. I'm still doing my photography work and still dreaming of becoming an artist one day. 

Before I write this post, I was looking through my old photos in Facebook and other places, reminiscing my old youth days. Not saying that I'm old now, but I feel that I'm a different person than in those pictures. Probably not many people notice it though, because I still 'act' the same. I'm still me, but changed to the better. 

So..

I'm writing this post in my free time, which I had a lot these days.

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Ever since I came back to my hometown, I realized a lot of things about me and also my surroundings. In the midst of this pandemic, I did a lot of self-reflection. Reconsidering my life values, my philosophy, where I lead my life and how I should be as who I am. When it comes to art, I still have this big ambition on having my own photo exhibition some day. Although, I was going to do it this year while I'm going to Korea for work, but I decided not to rush it. I don't want to label myself as perfectionist, but I do have a certain issue regarding my "firsts".  I tend to be more careful and plan everything well to do something for the first time, including my decision to move to Germany in the near future. I don't want to rush things just so that I can get over with it, I'm not that impulsive. Well, I used to, but as I grew older, I realized that I always changed my decisions as if I'm indecisive and "plin-plan" which lead me to make lots of wrong choices in my life. I have no regrets on it, it's just I should've done it better.

I guess because I'm going to be 30 this year and I feel like in my last days as 20s, I need to make sure that I've accomplished things that I could do in my 20s and be proud of life that I've lived so far. I've learned my lesson, that I should have not waste my time, energy, and feeling to things that I know it's not for me. I will not start things when I feel that it will make me regret or make myself miserable later on. 

I'm really hoping that I can end my 20s well and starting my 'more' mature life ahead.

Stay safe, everyone! 

Hey everyone, it's me again after such a loooong long time.

I supposed the last time I write here it was on December last year, is it?
This time, I might write quite a long update on myself and a quick recap as well on what has happened until this moment.

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If you guys followed me in Instagram, maybe you might notice that I no longer live in Korea again. It's been a month since I left and about why I left, it's a long story.

A little recap, last year I changed my job from working in some plastic surgery hospital to working as main photographer in an online apparel brand in Seoul. I don't want to talk detail about it but it was a job that I like even though it was hard because of the tight schedule. However, the thought of leaving Korea and moving to another country has crossed my mind since long time ago and it got stronger when I saw two of my best friends moving to another country to pursue a better future. Yes, I envied them because I don't have such courage to make that decision and the reason was because I don't think my parents will approve it and let me go. Moreover, I feel it will take a long time to prepare for my next journey and it's not that worth it. Since I already adjusted to Korean's way of life these years, somehow it feels like it's my comfort zone here and I did worked hard to achieve this level. It feels like a waste of time and a lot of energy for me to come this far.

But then, everything changed. Working in Korea, even when I love my job and my company, is not as I dreamt to be. Not only that, it was the start of this epic Corona virus spreading in China. I guess it started from October last year that my life went downhill and never come back up again. I got too many troubles and made big mistakes in my life in those few months. I spent my last moments in 2019 so terribly and I just couldn't stand of myself anymore.

So, as you may see in Instagram or somewhere else, I dyed my hair to platinum blonde. I did it in January 1st, in New Year, to change myself into another person.

I was really worried about my future. I feel like I've never belong here, nor in my hometown, nor in Korea. I don't know where should I belong. One thing for sure that I felt really happy and couldn't forget how free I was back then, when I solo-travelled to Europe for the first time. Those days in Vienna, I felt like home. Not that because I have interest in Europe since I was young and not because of the excitement that it was my first time going to Europe, but I still remember the moment I stepped down from the Airplane in Vienna's airport, breathe the air and those melodious train sound, it's like.. welcoming me. Part of me still lived there until now, and I think it's one of the reasons why I've decided to study German now. I want to go back there, to where I belong. But of course it will be different from when I first left to Korea to study. This time, I want to stay there for the rest of my life.

However, since Corona Virus was spreading so fast across the globe, somehow I was forced to go back to my hometown. There are plenty other reasons as well, I had no choice but to go home. I know I need to adjust again to Indonesian's lifestyle and all, even though I'm sure I'll never be able to live like them again. Thus, on April 17th, I set myself away from Korea and said goodbye. I cried when my plane took off from Incheon International Airport and leaving Korea behind in front of my eyes. Korea was my second home, I have to say, and I don't know when I'll be back again. Probably for vacation, but in case of living there again, I need some REALLY good reasons to make me stay.

So here I am, back in my hometown and been busy with my temporary life here. It's hard to believe that it's been a month since then. I just hope that all of this may end soon and I can go out from my apartment again.

2019 will end sooner than I thought. It's been hell of a year.
To end this year, I would like to myself a question.


What is my dream?

Do I want to be a professional photographer? Or do I want to be an artist?
Honestly, being an artist doesn't mean that I have to be a photographer. I can be anything. A poet, a musician, anything. Although I always work in this visual media for years, I can see that I'm starting to combine this medium with other things, like words or melodies. But can I truly become an artist of my own?

You Will Never Know (Album cover & CD)

Me, 'our baby' and McKay

I'm so touched! Thank you McKay!!

And guess who's back with a Summer song too.

Thirsty (Digital single cover art)

These two covers that I've created were all digital arts. I had experiences in photo manipulation since I was in High School (Big thanks to my Art teacher, Mr. Anthony), even though it's kinda rusty due to lack of practicing, but that skill really comes to handy these days lol. The only difference between the first cover and the second is that I did shot the model image myself (the flowers are stocks tho) and the other is stock image.


Well, I guess that's it for now.
If you have any questions, you know where to ask right?

This Chinese New Year, I stepped my foot in Europe for the first time in my life, with my first 35mm film camera.

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Few months prior to this trip, I was looking at some flight tickets for my runaway trip and I came across this travel article about "cities for art lovers". There are several cities mentioned there, but I chose these 2 destinations in the end, Vienna and Budapest. These cities always paired up because they're close to each other so it's easier to travel within borders. Luckily that I chose Aeroflot airlines because I got some layover in Moscow, so at least, even though it's only for a few hours, I can say that I'm in Russia haha. It was my very first long flight and also first time going this far by myself.

I'm not going to talk about my itineraries here but I'll just show you some pictures of what I've got during my trip.

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There were taken only in Vienna coz my camera somehow didn't work properly in Budapest :(

First post after New Year!

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So, after I'm done with "Big Fish and Begonia", I stumbled upon this Chinese singer in Youtube called Henry Huo. I immediately fell in love with his voice (and also his appearance) and also his self-composed song with the title 卷珠帘 (Rolling Up The Beaded Curtain).

I did some research on what the song is about and it turned out to be a song about how a lady is waiting for her loved one to appear. According to what usually happened in old Chinese movies, the ones that are about the Three Kingdoms (or maybe other subjects too), ladies are usually got carried in a carriage with curtain to go around the city. Also during the traditional wedding ceremony, the bride's face is covered by a curtain-like headpiece. Then when the groom came, he will open that "curtain" to see his bride for the first time. That's what legend said and they still do that sometime until now.

I got hooked by this concept where women are always covering their 'face', their true identity. Also, since it's a Chinese song, why not make another Chinese artwork? It's always fun to create Chinese art. Recently, I actually got inspired by so many Chinese artists on how they use colors in their artworks. Not only photo works, but I also looked up into the ancient painting works as well. There's a certain feel that I get from seeing Chinese arts. It feels like... strong and firm, yet ethereal and graceful. It looks complicated, but if you see it through, it was so simple. That's how I feel about Chinese art.

Anyway, for this work, I found my model in Instagram. I was looking at Korean photographer's feed and found this girl among his works. At first, I didn't think that she looks Korean. Her looks are between a Japanese and Chinese look. So I contacted her and she said yes to my offer. Great!
Now, the problem is the location. I don't want to use palaces or the same location as "Big Fish and Begonia", also I can't find any spots in Seoul that resembles China. However, I found this great park I've never been to and it has a pavilion in the middle of a small pond. So, when the day of shooting came, both me and my model were awed by the view. We didn't expected that place to be so perfect for this concept. I guess I'm lucky again.

That's all for now!
Tschüss!

Just like the title of the post, I seriously think that 2017 is my best and the worst year.

Why, you asked.

I called it the best year because this year, I got 3 major masterpieces, met new models, I even worked together with famous people. But why the worst year, if you had that many great experiences?
It was because I got a major breakdown during the year and I ended up breaking my own mental health. That, my friend, is a really big issue for me this year and I hope it's only this year.

Anyway, like the previous year, I would like to recap all the things that happened this year, including showing you some major artworks and also great moments in 2017.

First, I would like to update my model's list that I've been working with in 2017.

Rachel (USA)

Michelle (Japan)

Nicole - on the left (Denmark)

Not as many as last year, to be honest, I didn't really shoot a lot this year. I'm more focused on my full-time work and it's too tiring to work again on the weekends. However, I created 3 big masterpieces. Here are the 3 artworks:

Big Fish and Begonia (Collaboration with Evan Raditya)

Fille Française

卷珠帘

2 Chinese-themed artworks and 1 French-themed, as you may see, my tones are gradually changing from the blurry film-like tones (you can see it on the works I did last year) into more solid contrast tones. I have to give myself a tick on my checklist for having that great collaboration with my best friend, Evan Raditya.

Cheri (Korean Fashion Influencer & Blogger)

Chen Yung Hua a.k.a yourddoris (Taiwanese Fashion Photographer)

McKay Kim (K-pop Star 2 singer)

Nicky Park (K-pop singer) - his first single album

Yutaki (Singaporean Fashion Influencer & Blogger) - taken back in 2016

it's DAY6!

I guess this is the second time I post something about behind the scenes of my recent work.
The purpose of this post just merely to let you know what inspires me for this art piece.

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This series, if you follow my Instagram, try to read the captions in each picture. I chose the captions carefully, from classical songs lyrics about death.

Requiem, the title is based on a Requiem Mass written by W.A. Mozart, where he died in peace, lying on his bed and left this piece unfinished. Requiem is a Mass for the dead souls to be in peace. It was meant for the dead.

I've known Death since I was a kid and until now, it never leave me. Not only wanting to physically take my life, but I think it was also looking for my soul. There are few events that I thought I was dying, in the edge of this life and it's time to go home. But where?

Do we really go to Heaven when we die? What if it's not Heaven, but somewhere else?
Why are we so afraid of dying? or Death?

No, it's not paranoid nor a negative thinking or whatsoever you called them. Like a dog that can sense their time will come soon, I can feel that too. I became more quiet and detached the past few years. I embrace solitude more than ever. I don't feel hurt nor loneliness. I really like it. And while in this state, I decided to make an art out of it.

How I picture death is; how in my solitude, I caress the presence of silence.

Art is where I rest my soul in peace.

This time, I would like to talk about my big collaboration with my best friend, who is also one of the new prominent Indonesian illustrators, Evan Raditya.

Before talking about Evan, I want to start with a little background on why I decided to do this project and why I picked this concept for my masterpiece.

It started with me just looking around Pinterest for inspirations in one random day. I came across this illustration in Pinterest.

Source: Google

At first I thought that this can be a good concept to try in the future. But then as I searched around, I found out that it was from a Chinese animation movie. It was just released last year, but I guess it haven't been released internationally. So, I came to Google and found the movie.

Source: Google

After almost 2 hours of the movie, I found myself full of tears and my chest hurts so bad. It was like someone stabbed me by a big sword and left me bleed. It was so beautifully made. I can see many Miyazaki's reference in this movie, especially elements from Spirited Away.

I realized that the characters and the story reflects what really happened in my life these past few years. How I grew up with a lot of limitations in my culture, my struggles to pursue what I believe to be right, I can see my life was being portrayed in the movie. I see why sometimes sacrifices need to be made in this world, for a better future. Damn that movie..

Then I know that this will make a good concept for me to create artworks, based on the movie, and make it as my masterpiece. Also to express my agony into an art.

So, I need an illustrator for this and I already have one person in mind. Evan Raditya.

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Actually, since we graduated together from university back home, we've always talked about having a collaboration together, my photography and his illustration. But I guess it didn't really work that time because both of us were busy with our own lives. I knew him since long time that he will get big. Even from our school days, he's always one of the top students in our class, especially because of his drawing skill and creativity. Then recently, his name gets bigger with the Ghost in The Shell project. He got famous both internationally and in our own country.

Well, back to the point of our collaboration, first of all, I want to get rid of people's perception that I used Evan's fame for our collaboration project. Since he got big now, so why not I "join" him fame? NO! That's not what I wanted all along. I just simply want to do something together with my best friend. So, when he almost finished with his GITS project, I told him that I'm going to do this photoshoot with this concept and I need some illustrations from him. He was interested and willing to help me. Because I know that he's busy with his own work so I don't want to pressure him just for my own sake.

And just so you know, even though we are super super close friend, I didn't ask him to work for FREE. I'm not bragging, this is serious. I know how it feels to be "USE" and work for free. I value and respect his hard work and time, so I have to pay for it. I know many people always ask something for free to their friends, but this is art we're talking about. We, artists, still need to pay our own bills. It's so inconsiderate and disrespectful to ask artists to do something for FREE without even thinking about how many hours we waste to create and think for a single artwork. Especially with an excuses like "it's just a simple drawing" or "it's only a few shots" and many other bullshits. Are you fucking kidding me? People need to learn how to respect artists, seriously.

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So back to our collaboration. I did the shooting first with a Korean model I found in Instagram. I saw her face so many times in other Korean photographer's works in Instagram but I was too coward to ask her in Korean. Well, it happened with the help of my Korean friend (she helped me fixed my grammar and stuff), I asked Jae Gyeong to join the project. I didn't regret my selection, she was.. AH-MAZING! Few days before the shooting, I asked her to find the movie or anything that related so that she can learn what is it about and how is the character that she will portray. She did and she was talking about it with me that she said she really interested on watching the movie if they have it in Korea.

After I finished editing all the pictures, I sent some pictures for Evan to edit with some references from the movie. I was so excited how it will turned out.

I'll just post one of it here, along with some portrait shots.


This project will be another stepping stone for my career as a photographer. Whenever I look at this project, I reminded myself to stay true to my story. Who I am, where I came from. I never know that my past will make a great impact on my art, even though I always want to change that before. By staying true to your identity, it will give you strength to appreciate your life.

Big Fish and Begonia, a masterpiece I created and a tribute to my life.

"She's the kind of queen,
That knows her crown isn't on her head,
But in her soul."